purple_nerds (purple_nerds) wrote,

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Today has been pretty good! I had to get up this morning at 9:30 cause we were going to my poppy's house for lunch/a cook out and stuff. Was nice cause I havn't seen my Mawmaw or my Poppy since Christmas. I stayed there until about 1:45 or so, then my sister and me went home, my parents stayed there. When I got home, I was suppose to like vacuum the floors, but that didn't happen until like at 5:30. But when I got home, I was concerned cause a friend called, and I missed the call...he actually called twice...so yeah, I was like okay, so I got on the computer to see if he was on and it's all good now, he was just wondering where I was, since I wasn't on the computer yet, when I usually am. I've not really done much besides that, I have comfirmed the girlfriend thing with his friend...his friend got details on their first kiss and everything, I was like "aww...his first kiss...how sweet" then his friend told me it wasn't his first...just their first for that couple, but eh, when me and James were together he told me he never kissed anyone before, that made me highly pissed off...cause it's one thing to lie to me about having another girlfriend...but to lie to me when I'm going out with you...that's not cool...cause its just not right, ugh...I've grown to dislike him very much, hate is such a nasty word, even he don't deserve it...though I'm sure pretty soon he will...cause never before has so much drama erupted in a relationship of mine, so it's highly annoying and really upsetting...not sure really why I keep talking about it since it's so upsetting, I guess I just can't get over the fact that he always told me he loved me and said I ment the world to him and everything a girl could want to hear from a guys mouth...and now I'm finding that it all was an act, or a truth at first but now it ment nothing and I mean nothing now...I just don't know...I'm bout ready to give up on him...he still acts like he wants to be with me...though when I broke up with him he repeated the same thing over and over :
""if you truely arent happy with me......I dont want you with me.....if I hurt you...then please.....go.....I only want you happy and loved""
So yeah, it made me wonder if he was actually wanting to make his way outta it, trying to get by the easy way, wanting me to end it and leave him...so he wont have to hurt me, well he's hurt me enough, so I broke up with him...maybe he'll hurt now and feel my pain...I know it may sound mean and not like me but I think he should pay for this...all of this. Maybe the grace of God will be willing to pay him back...a simple something, maybe his new girlfriend will break up with him or find another guy and play him like he did me...nothing to evil...just something simple. I feel so hateful right now...kinda like a bad person...but I can't help the way my feelings are right now I guess...kinda just putting everything I want to say to him or do to him through my words. but I think that's enough for now...just to let all know, I'm dealing with this fine, I just need to have some comfort and encouragement and support from you all...<3 love.

-bows- till next time...see ya!
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